[amanda123]

Hi

If a father is on the birth certificate exactly what rights does he have? Can he take the child without mothers permission? can he apply for a court order or likewise?
Any advice would be good!

[Janey]

[amanda123]

[Janey]

Hi Amanda

I would check with solicitor to see if re-registering your son gave your ex parental responsibility. If you did this jointly with your ex it may well have given him PR - even if it has this does not mean your ex can take your son without permission. He could go for a court order to establlish formal contact arrangements but I dont believe he can force you to change your son's name. Im a family and child care social worker so am not trained in law merely work within its constraints and am familiar with it.

Personally given that you never married and your son resides with you and your relationship broke down - it makes more sense your son retains your surname.

Parental responsibility does give rights to fathers as follows: he will have the right to make/be involved in making important decisions about your child's life in areas like medical treatment and education. But it also means that he will have responsibilities. He along with yourself have a duty to care for and protect the child.

I dont know your current situation regarding your son's contact with your ex, but if your worried about your ex taking your son id advise you to go to solicitor and apply for a residence order, this formalises your son's residence with yourself. In connection with this you can apply (or your ex can also apply) for a contact order - laying out specific times when he will have access/contact.

Im sure you have your son's best interests at heart and this kind of thing is always difficult I wish you good luck in resolving the issues with your ex. I hope this has been some use...

Thanks
Jane

[amanda123]

Thanks for the advise Jane, it all made sense and I feel better for knowing a few more things. Do you know what if any more rights would the dad have if our son had his surname or doesnt it matter?

[Janey]

I dont believe the name means anything other than perhaps to him personally

[BaldBaz]

Hi

Very interesting post. Something that is close to my own heart as I am a single father in the process of establishing my rights.

As the birth of your son is after 2003 he will automatically have PR, which grants him a say in his education, his name, his medical treatment which in the eyes of the law puts him on a level playing field with you.

Does he have any regular contact? If you are not allowing him access then he will have to submit a C1 form to the courts and apply for a contact order, if he has any sense he will also seek interim contact whilst the order is being sorted because it could take months. You would first be referred to welfare officer who would interview you both (though not necessarily together) to see if some agreement can be made before seeing a judge.

The surname is an interesting one. I can see both sides here. Whilst it is easier for you for your son to have your surname, you could and may eventually move on and meet someone else, get married and take their surname. You may also wish to change your son's surname to reflect that of a new partner. This in my eyes is wrong, if your ex keeps regular contact and plays a big part in your son's life. Personnally, I believe a child should carry the name of his father, in my own situation, my ex kept her married name so therefore I would disagree with that on the grounds he bears a surname of a man who he has no biological connection with. Would double barrelling the names not be an option?

[RedDaisy]

I thought I'd add my opinion, I hope you don't mind.
I am technically in the position of your child. my mum and biological father did not marry and he left when I was about 1.5 - 2yrs old. I kept my mums name due to my mums family traditions even though at the time I saw my father quite regularly (despite them being very uncivilised due to him leaving us homeless). My fathers name is on my birth certificate etc, however, at the age of 3yrs he stopped coming to see me but always sent bday and xmas cards with a cheque or money in. My mum since has got married (12yrs this year) to a genuine great guy whom I love to pieces even though I don't call him dad he is the best dad in the world so I took his name so I'm now double barrelled. What I would advise is that you double barrel the childs surname if the father is planning to have an active prescence in the childs life, if he is going to be unreliable then leave it with yours. Let them choose if they want to change it when they are older. If you get married and your child has the double surname, try turning your name into a double barrel with your surname and your new one so your child still feels part of your family.
I know this sounds wierd and complicated but this is coming from someone that has more or less been in you childs position.
I hope this helps

[pauben19]

Hi, I was wondering if you may be able to give me some advise also, i have 1 daughter who is nearly 4 now and about 2 wks after she was born her father left, basically when i was pregnant his sister attacked me and her partner smashed the windows on my house so i said i didnt want them to have anything to do with my baby, the whole time i was pregnant the father agreed, until two wks after she was born and he said is they didnt see her he would leave and so he left, he asked to see the baby 3 x 1hr per wk, which i agreed but he only saw her in my house, during the first year he didnt turn up for half of the time he was meant to so i cut the days down to 2, since then he has turned up for most of the time, there have been the odd accasion where he was sick (during the rugby) sometimes i would hear that he had been fighting and had a black eye and he didnt come over for two wks. He has never fed her, changed her, bathed her, looked after her in any way only played with her for 2 hours a wk in my house, no nappies, sleepless nights, bottles nothing, now there is a new girlfriend on the scene and for the first time since she was born he wants to start taking her out, i have said no to this, could you let me know where i stand, his name is on the birth certificate and has never made any comment about her school, religion, and she has my surname on the birth certificate, she starts school full time in september and i dont think it is fair that after all this time i may be made to let him take her, my evenings after school will be spent making her tea, her homework and bath and bed i think it is only fair that when she is off on the weekend that i have earned the right to enjoy these two days a week with my daughter, i did offer when he asked to take her out for me to go with them to the park or he wanted to take her to mcdonalds, but he told me he wanted her on his own, he doesnt know that i know he has a new girlfriend and i assume that he wants her to be there and that maybe it would be awkward but that is not my concern my daughter has never been anywhere with him with or without me, he doesnt know anything about her, any advice would be appreciated, thank you

[hayes@btinternet.com]

Hi,

I won't bore everyone with my own sad plight, except to say that split ups are incredibly bitter.

It's hard to believe that your best friend becomes your worst enemy, with no intermediate step. It's been 8 months now and I'm still recovering.

The children seem to be used as bartering cards. Some or all of this bartering seems to be done between Solicitors, without either parent being made aware of what is being done in their name.

I believe also that Dads are at an immediate disadvantage, the children lose out as a matter of course.

Thanks for reading this,
J

[HowItIs]

women are bitches for not letting the fathers have normal rights

[Le Compte De Yo Yo]

Been in this situation but in reverse (many years ago). I'd check with a solicitor for sure but I believe that the father cannot take the child away under any circumstances irrespective of what the surname is, etc (that would be child abduction, I believe).

When my ex-wife tried to run off abroad with our daughter years ago, they put out an All Ports Warning preventing her from leaving the country with our daughter (she was and is a nurse and was going to bugger off and work in the States, taking our daughter and ignoring a court order).

Our daughter is grown up now and we're all at peace with one another, thank God.

Good luck with it.

[VampireOutRage]

[ushoo82]

Well im not sure of Fathers Rights either but im very close to my ex's family and i changed my daughters surname to mine except the family wont accept this and still call by their surname
Its just gonna confuse her when she gets older but ill b telling her the truth about them all!
I think that even if your not married the dad still has rights to see their kid, my daughter was born in 2005 so i think this is the case for my ex although he cant be bothered, he and his partner just like causing trouble for us!
I know he can apply to get access of some kind and that if you wanna go abroad, even on holiday, you need to get the fathers permission in writting. Like am gonna do that, cos he wouldnt agree so im sorry but he aint stoppin us from goin on holibags! lol
I was actually on speakin terms with him at the time and i asked him if he minded me changing our daughters surname n he wasn't bothered. A part of me was pleased but then most fathers would go ballistic wouldn't they?! Or am i wrong?!

[satanic_angel]

[satanic_angel]

[satanic_angel]

[happyni]

my son broke up with his girlfriend 2 months ago and move back home they have a 9 month old daughter he was getting to see her for few hours two days a week but now his ex is saying she has seek legal advice and she doesn`t have to let him or us as grandparents see her as we have been involved with our granddaughter from the beginning we are finding it very difficult does anyone know can she stop us all from seeing our grandchild and my son from seeing his daughter i also just found out his name is not on the birth cert if anyone knows of a similiar situation i would be grateful for any advice thanks

[rathgarman]

hi,
im a single dad my x left a few years back,
but i see my kids at least twice a week(more if i could)
but reading this thread reminded me of the arguments i had with my x directly after the split,
its important to remember the kids MUST come first and any tension
thats involved upsets them,
so either be civil and act like adults or use solicitors if you cant,
in my case we used solicitors for selling the house ect and maintenance,
after that there wasnt much left to argue about and now while we're not friends we respect each other.
And thats the best thing your child can see.
Hope this helps from someone whos felt your pain.
Good luck

[rathgarman]

happyni is your son a legal guardian ?
if not apply straight away,
also if he is supposed to pay maintenance make sure its always paid,
if all of the above is done then no she cant stop you seeing the child,
but everything is still raw so slowly your son must try and ease the anger between him and his x,
no arguing and basically saying yes sir to her every command,
i would also offer to take overnight on a weekend to "help her",
when obviously this is what you want too,
in the meantime get the legal guardianship and by the time its sorted hopefully emotions will ease and they can get on enough for the child to have both parents and Grannys of course around,
it does take time to get to that stage though so do whatever is neccesary to see your child,

[Mavster III]

[Miss Bitch]

On another note - about the child's name. Despite the birth certificate, you can actually call your child whatever you want.
It won;t change the legal documents but there is no reason why anyone can't have a "known as" name. My daughter does.
I sought legal advice over this and all I had to do was put in writing to the school, doctor, dentist etc that i wished for her to be known by both our surnames although it is his surname on the birth certificate and passport.

My daughter used to have her (our) surnames double-barrelled but now writes them without the hyphen so it's like a middle name, really.

You'll find most organisations are very considerate and accommodating. It won;t be the first time they've come across this situation.

Btw, if your ex isn't willing to take the legal route and visit his solicitor, that's his tough shit. Do what the hell you want until you hear otherwise.

[FYI]

Ok firstly to pauben19; You sound as though you are doing a wonderful job raising your child. I agree the father does not seem interested in your child, he seems more likely to want to use her as a token to his new girlfriend or something. Your child sounds safest with you, going by what you wrote.


Secondly, Seriously the biggest problem kids have growing up IS the feud between mother and father when their is a break up.

It is either (or both) the mother and father feeding the kid with al kinds of negative statements about the other and do they EVER stop to think what this is actually doing to their child?! NO.

I can't believe there are more hurdles to cross when adopting an animal than there is to have a baby. All's a woman has to do is open her legs and bam.

People do not realise what it takes and means to bring up ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

They rely on the schools to teach them all about life, what they fail to see is your child will imitate YOU. You are their role model and their only source of learning how to be in life.

Wake up and smell the roses, your child is your life, you do not matter when you have a child/children. They matter, NOTHING ELSE.

[DavidRyu]

Im wondering if anyone can help me!! My name is on my sons birth certificate (weds 16th sept 2009) and want to know what rights I will get to see him! Will I get to have him on weekends etc?? We are still together but my partner has been hell since he was born. We agreed he would have my surname all the way along (we are not married) then changed her mind when he was 3 weeks old. She refused to put me on the birth certificate because I would have the same rights as her, actually refused in the registrar office as soon as the woman said that but I finally talked her round. I do everything for my son, I buy his clothes, milk, nappies and do his night feeds even though I work shifts and have to be up at 4am some mornings. I spend every waking moment I possibly can with him and love him more than anything in this world but I cant take much more of the suffering I am having from his mother. We have been together 3 years and never once fell out or argued in that whole time since he was born. I know I am a good dad, my son is my life but all the laws and regulations seem to sway in the mothers favour. Im at my wits end.

[jintyb]

David your son is very young -I wonder if his Mum is suffering from PosNatal Depression-not just the mood swings but the irrationality.
Also remembewr she may actually resent the bond you have with him especially if she is finding difficulty in bonding,feeling overwhelmed etc.
What is your/her relationship with her family-could you speak to her Mum for advice?Also a word to the Health Visitor for advice wouldn't go amiss.
I really think she needs some help.