[Lovelorn_Angel]

Hi there,

Just wanted to say DON'T PANIC. If you have a child who has had regular contact with a father who is 'absent' from the access sessions, you are already starting with an 'advantage' (before I'm SCREAMED at by 'fathers with parental rights', I'm in no way 'against' fathers being involved, I simply believe that their 'chances' shouldn't be LIMITLESS as children are ULTIMATELY emotionally affected by people who come IN and OUT of their lives).

Having SAID that, your BEST bet is to get in touch with social services and ask for FREE mediation to be provided.

IF it has gone beyond that, DO SEEK LEGAL ADVICE and the SOONER the better.

ALL 'legal decisions' are VERY MUCH affected by the 'dates' on which applications were made, so a 'late' application to the court may look like nothing but 'retaliation' when in actuality, you're trying to keep your child safe.

The sooner you go to a solicitor, (one specialising in family law) the better. EVEN if you have to pay for a ONE OFF, you can ask for a letter to be drawn up with 'suggested' option for access (e.g. a SUPERVISED access centre run by the local authority) where a parent and child can be together SAFELY for an agreed period etc. and the staff will make note of how the child is treated, how often nappies are changed and so on.

I hope I haven't given you reason to worry, but I WOULD advise that you take the DOMINANT role and decide what is best for your child with the help of all the available 'bodies' (soc. servs. IF they're any help, mediation etc.) and if you MUST go to court in order to get an access order drawn up, you can make 'certain requests' (new girlfriends NOT to be 'babysitter' etc. for a period of time). It's a GOOD idea, when speaking either with mediation who can draw up (NON LEGALLY BINDING) agreements, to state that the father MUST spend the time with the child and certain ground rules on food etc. can be included, BUT, if you think it would be the BEST idea to stop access, then you need legal advice. You could go to court and AGREE on an access plan, but DO ask for a court order. When you're DEALING with the courts, however HARD it is (I know from experience) you must BE FIRM, be FAIR and be FLEXIBLE when it comes to 'times' and 'pick up points' for contact/access/overnight etc. DON'T forget birthdays, Christmas's etc. THESE need to be agreed if this isn't an amicable situation, however, there are some things that should be 'allowed for', eg. cars DO break down, people DO get ill, but have an agreement IF you can, whereby you're CONTACTED in advance by a few hours, so that you can prevent 'disappointment' for the child, IF you agree to let them have contact with the other parent.

If you decide that you want NO CONTACT between them, you must go to a solicitor IMMEDIATELY and present your case for prevention/termination of access. I CANNOT STATE THIS STRONGLY ENOUGH, IF YOUR CHILD IS IN DANGER, GET LEGAL ADVICE NOW!

I wish you the VERY best of luck and PLEASE DO let us know how things turn out.

GOOD LUCK, be strong and you're DOING what's BEST for your child, so as long as that remains the 'aim', you can't go wrong!

Warmest thoughts,
Angel

P.S. the ULTIMATE Q which you've asked is 'what chance do I have...?'

A solicitor will tell you that WHERE all things are 'equal' with both parents, in regard to the child, that the courts see NO REASON for removing a child from the mother, but will give the father FULL PARENTAL RIGHTS/RESPONSIBILITIES including access (I believe that the parental responsibility is now granted 'automatically to both parents' when a child is born, which to me, as a mother, seems ridiculous, but nevertheless, it IS the law!)

You will be MOST likely to keep a MINIMUM of 'parental care and control', which means 'day to day care' of your child and decisions in their life. As you WERE married, court will be a 'custody/access' hearing, despite your being divorced. I can't tell you your 'chances', only what is available and where you might like to go to 'take things further'. Hope SOME of the above information helps?!

[jzero.zero]

I'm going trough hell with my ex .Only I'm a father...I've been divorced for 4 years now ,we have 2 daughters 5 and 7 years old. Everything was going fine despite the volatile temper of my ex.My kids love my actual wife and vice versa .All of a sudden my ex decided to start having opinions on my life ,and I had to cut her short. She got hold of my present wife and called me all names under the sun. It didn't work... Next thing she cut's all the contact with me changes phones ,and now the cherry on the top the cake ,she moved somewhere ,and left no contact at all ...
What can i do to find her?

[Lovelorn_Angel]