[toastiest]

You know, to start off with, I must say that this thread was quite entertaining to read as the original poster is obviously in a bit of a pickle and really needed to rant... but as I read on with the horrible comments that followed, I was a bit disappointed really - but what do you expect on a public forum where anyone can register any post...

The problem with the UK is too much hatred aimed towards those on benefits when the real problem is the fact that they

a) exist at all in the first place
b) are impossible to regulate correctly leading to thousands of people claiming money they should not be able to.

In *theory* benefits are a nice idea to help those who cannot work, but that is what charities are for!
In the US, I've seen the poor be able to walk into a charity centre and come out with bags of food and such.

Why are you all so angry and taking it out on the last person who needs to hear your disheartening words? It's because you feel like that is your money that's going into her pockets...

I absolutely agree with everyone who thinks that they should be able to keep their hard earned money so that they can choose how and when to spend it. The problem here is there is this government who *forces* you to hand over your money to do as they please - and as we all know very well, they don't look after our money very well at all!!

Ideally, the whole benefits system should be scrapped because anything run by the government is never going to be run well.

We should be able to keep all of our earnings and we should be able to donate to charities. For example, after reading about this poster's problem s where she does not really have family to help her out, I would research and find a good efficiently run charity that has a good vetting process to only help those who genuinely need help and I would donate some money towards that cause and advise the poster to go and have a word with that charity to see if they are able to help her.

The moral of the story is... stop being angry and nasty to the wrong person. She isn't the cause of your problems. All she is trying to do is live her life and look after her child after making a big mistake (which she knows she has made, you don't need to rub it in heartlessly).

[toastiest]

To all of you who are whining about how those who cannot afford it should not have children..
Give me a break!

At the point she got pregnant she could afford the child and my god, who can plan 18 years ahead, username22, do you expect every person who wants to have a child to save up hundreds of thousands of pounds before they can even consider having sex? Anything can happen to you that could turn your world upside down.

[jespur]

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[username22]

[toastiest]

[City Plumber]

[City Plumber]

[username22]

[dizzy20]

hey gal,

god knows how tuff it is to bring up a child wether your on benifits or not.
but look at one thing, you have a wee gal, this child will love you unconditionally. and you should her,

i was brought up on basic wages with my mum working 3 jobs just to try and make ends meet, my dad ran wen things got too tuff, just like ur babys dad did. i was still brought up well, not going without anything (maybe it wasnt all named brands i had on my body but hell i was happy) my mum still loved me the same.
i am now 20 years old and have a great respect for life, ive worked for everything i have ye it hard but you get through them just like anyone esle, no matter ow you do it.
or are you just gonna carry on with your head held high?
you may b on the social, but your still looking for work, unlike most who dont even bother,

so dont worry yourself gal, forget those ppl who are just jealous,
live your life for you and your child. shes your number 1, the one you should be worrying about not them.

remember that ye!
tbh it shudnt matter wether your scrimping and scraping or wether your rolloing in money, all that matters is you give ur child the best chance in life that you can give her, unconditionall love and happiness.

so i ask you now to take 1 min and just look in to your gals eyes and ask yourself wat your goona do,
are you going to listen to all those ppl that call you a social bum?

[rooke]

Woman you need to have a goo dlook at yourself. so what if your boyfriend left he suggested you had a baby, whats done is don, i had my daughter at 18. my choice, i didnt wantto be with her dad so i left. pregnant, i didnt feel sorry for myself, i signed onto benefits for 2weeks and searched day and night for a job. i worked full time for 5years with my daughter in a private nursery (which you will get help for by the way). i never complained once, i now am lucky to be with someone and have another 2 kids, one been a baby of 6months, my partner works full time and im currently looking to get back into work, but you know what although it is i agree hard to find a job with suitable hours, theresno point complaining, if me and my partner split up tommorow, my children are my responsibility and i wouldnever dream of blaming him for my situation. you are a grown woman take responsibiliy for yourself, i have been doing college courses during my maternity to better myself and get of my arse. like somone said you need to get out there and stop feeling sorry for yourself, there are hundreds of single parents out there and to be honest its people like you who give single mothers the critisism they receive. its hard to work, pay bills, look after kids, tidy the house ect ect but thats life get on with it, no one cares if you are on benefits... if you dont like it yourself do something about it. i personnal dont think there is anything wrong with a woman/man who wants to stay at home with there kids there for i dont care if people are on benefits thats that persons choice i hate leaving my kids but when your a couple you dont get any help s we both need to be working, be greatful for your daughter and your health thats my advise, and get over your ex whats done is done

[username22]

Rooke........

You have my total respect!

[l23b]

Hi there

I am quite shocked on how people view other people, company's are being laid out of business recession is hitting hard in the U.k and over many people here believe if you are on the old jobcentre benifits your scum! there is over 2 million out of work and growing by the day! so thats mean(S) 2 million people are worthless does it? yet the suppress of jobs are taken by non British workers! do the maths how do you get a job in this country if the hours don't even pay rent food bills? Least she has been trying


so what's this about the girl! she was like many she sounded like she met a boy an not a man who thought he could have a baby and left happens everyday. I hope this poor girl founds a real man one day who will look after her and baby then u lot wont call her then will ya"


ajay

[rooke]

I'm not calling her, just stating the facts as i said i dont care either way how she gets money thats what benefits are there for, she just needs to stop acting like an injured party, ande she will neverfind a man to look after her and her daughter as you put it till she gets some respect for her self. and not every single mother needs someone to look after them or there kids. i may be with someonebut i can look after my self and my children and she needs to move, some people are going through hell out there in this world and she isn't worthy of symapathy.

[username22]

[City Plumber]

[rooke]

can i just point out the girl we are talking about hasn't posted anything back for ages, now where all sitting here going on and on haha, she probably got her internet disconnected been so hard done to and all.
Plumber guy.. not everyone gets £250 either it depends on your income, and its to start a trust fund for them. my kids all got one, does that mean you think the government should'nt give money to kids. i tell you whats wrong and what i hate, i have no problem with people on benefits but how do people on their own get money for everthing childcare included but if you are a family you get nothing at all if your combined income is over £16000, yes they need the help but if both parentswork you get nowt, me and the other half pay out almost £700 a month childcare before we even start on the other bills, yet a single parent would get this paid for.... and before people start this is a dig at the government not single parents, its mad, the whole world is going cookcoo, i say we all go back to been farmers and working in the mines lol

[City Plumber]

[Sizzler1980]

This is to City Plumber, what gives you the right to slag people off, im sure that if the girl who was actually "asking" for advise wanted you to make her feel like sh** then im sure that what she would have been asking. Cant u see that she is actually trying to turn her life around and make it better for her and her kid.

I too was on benefits for a short time yeah but also with the same circumstances, had a child with my ex partner and worked soon after birth was working and then also my ex decided he didnt want a kid and decided he wanted to play away (without me knowing as i had been a busy mum and worked hard) I then found out about his little games away and it was me and our son that got put out the house while he and his new bit on the side moved in! And as luck would have it i was also made redundant, i had to build my life up from scratch with no help from his father, and i was claiming benefits, i was angry of course but didnt ask for anything as i didnt feel as though i had to, fathers were also part of the process so should face up to those responsabilites and we dont have to be the ones being slagged off for it, yeah we were all led astray and thought we were "in love". I do believe you cant hold that blame and use it to feel sorry for yourself as it gets you no where and so i am working full time and have built a life for me and my son without his help and to be honest its the best revenge possible without laying in the gutter, you do have to get on with it, i know that, but what we do need is possitive feedback and advice not a slagging match from someone who obviously has no kids and hasnt gone through that situation. No one is asking for your sympathy but if you dont have the good advise she is asking for then keep your sad, immature thoughts to yourself! And as for it was saying it was her that pulled down her knickers, your clearly a total prick, and have no morals at all, you are what you call a sad pathetic asshole, its funny how its a score for a guy to drop his drawers but us women get called the sluts and the idiots for it. Grow up and go get yourself laid, your obviously needing it!!

[Sizzler1980]

This is for rooke:- I am a single parent and i dont get everything paid for me!!! I work 28hrs/wk and my rent is £370/mth And i get no help, i earn too much seeminlgy, If your working less than a certain amount of hours or earn a low wage then you get help. I do understand what your saying though as it isnt fair that you have to pay for everything because your a couple, the system is all wrong, i dont have an issue at people who claim benefits as long as they are in fact looking for a job at least and are trying, what does bother me is the junkies who get handed cheques for thousands to move out there multi storey flats to move into a brand new semi when working families who have kids cant get jack sh*t, expect those multi storey they are paid to move out of!!! The system is cracked up and they should be helping those to make it worthwhile working instead of getting crap wages to pay for the junkies methadone!!

[shazza144]

i was a single mum for 8 years, i didn't go back to work until my youngest daughter at the time went to school full time. But while my children were at pre-school i joined the parents group who run the pre-school and became chairperson of it, which made me feel like i was returning something back into the community as i could not afford child care. When i did return to work i ended up in so much debt as the child care funds etc from child tax credit was not working properly at that time. But i couldn't give up as i would not be entitled to any benefits. 10 years later i'm still getting my self out of debt.

So if it doesn't work out at present working, go do some voluntary work or something.

[BrummyLad]

[Bluey]

This is a rather passionate thread.

The original post related to a lady on benefits because she was abandoned by her partner, who did not enjoy being on benefits and who was actively seeking work. It was clear that the last thing she wanted to be was a 'benefit scrounger'.

So though this forum (and I suppose the general population) are negative about benefit claimants, she indirectly identified other problems that are worth debating where it might be more productive to suggest the solutions to fixing the system rather than being cruel to those receiving state assistance.

1. How can the system change so that fathers are responsible for the upkeep of their children instead of the state?
2. How can childcare provision be improved to increase the opportunities for single mothers to gain employment?

From my perspective, I am curious to know how the benefits system managed to morph from its inception as a temporary hand-out to into a system that traps generations of families into depending on it or allows individuals (many who want to work) into spending much of whole working lives on it. Therefore, I want to understand it from a system point of view.

[hugheskevi]

Why did the benefit system morph? My thoughts:

a) European law - there are a lot of things we can no longer do
b) Disability lobby groups - very powerful
c) Media - Government often portrayed negatively over any reform
d) Gaming - people exploiting each and every loophole, of which there will inevitably be many in large and complex systems
e) Fraud - very small chance of being caught
f) Courts - no real punishment if you do get caught for fraud
g) Voting - the people you disadvantage may well not vote for you. The majority do not realise they have gained and there won't be much if any increase in your votes from that group
h) Children - obsession with child poverty and protecting children. Which means, have a kid and whatever we may say, we have to look after you whether you want to work or not.
i) Short-termism. Benefit receipts only compare current benefit receipt with potential immediate income. No thought of career progression.
j) Insane costs of childcare mean that it really isn't worth many single parents working, either from individual or tax-payer perspective
k) Insane costs of housing mean home ownership is simply out of reach for many. Insane cost of renting makes Housing Benefit extremely attractive, getting trapped in the cycle above.

That was all I could think of off the top of my head

[username22]

[username22]

ps:

Brummy Lad, I sound very similar to your parenst and in very much the same situation. Any wonder why this is a touchy subject for people like myself and your parents?