[noirella]

Since Christmas my boyfriend has been staying with me because he got chucked out of his hostel.

Before this he was staying at mine a lot because he has a serious lung condition which makes everyday tasks a chore and was finding it hard coping on his own.

When he went back to his hostel one day before Christmas to collect some stuff he found his room had been stripped bare and all his possessions gone.

Anyway to cut a long story short he has since been staying with me.

My problems is that my boyfriend is so tight. He is on Disabilty benefits and gets about £200 a week. I work part-time and my salary is less than this although i get tax credits of about £500 extra.

I pay for the mortgage and all bills. At the beginnig he gave me nothing and i provided food as well as cooking and cleaning for him. I then asked him to pay towards his food and he gave me £20 a week. To be honest this was nowhere near enough so after a few months and a big row it increased to £40.

I still don't think this is enough. My utility bills are astronomical as he is at home all day playing on his xbox, he's on the pc all night and leaves the tv and every light on in the house constantly. He also has an electric heater on nearly all the time as his illness makes him cold.

Added to this he does not lift a finger around the house. He expects me to cook for him breakfast lunch and dinner, and run up and down the stairs fetching things. He leaves plates and cups around the house and dirty clothes on the floor. He is basically a slob, but if i say anything he moans that he is ill.

I'm trying to get him a council flat as i'm at my wits end.

The question is how much rent should realistically charge him. This month he has refused to pay anything as he's been on a couple of spending spree's and wants to let his money in his account build up again. He doesn't like it going below £1000... he'd rather i went further into my overdraft to feed him.

Any advise?

[montyzuma]

toss him out
he is using you

your rent comes before his spending habits

30 mins grief and he is outta there

[*Kylie*]

Okay, emotions aside:

He gets £200/week.

His outgoings are currently £40/week. This is being ridiculously generous!

I'd sit him down, and tell him you aren't happy with the arrangement and things need to change. Start by working out how much the utility bills are costing, and telling him he is now responsible for 1/2 of them (and even that is generous if he is home all day and you aren't!).

Tell him he can either buy his own food, or pay for half of the grocery bill, and give him the receipt once you've done the shopping.

As for chores, i'm sure you know that there is limits due to his disability, but does this really excuse him for being an absolute slob? Stop cleaning up after him and force him to do something about it. Put all his dirty clothes in a plastic bag and wait for him to whinge that there is nothing to wear. Same with the cups and cutlery! You need to take some responsibility for letting the situation get so badly out of hand......tell him things are going to change, and if he's not happy with the changes, then he needs to be prepared to move out and get his own place.

And if none of this works or it seems like too much work for too little reward......kick him out, he sounds like he is just using you to build up his bank account!!

[Bluey]

Seriously, please tell me you are a troll forced to invent scenarios to get attention in your sad little life because it sounds like a century of feminism has passed you by.

To rework the phrase by Eleanor Roosevelt (No one can make you feel inferior without your consent), no one can exploit you without your complicity. This means that you actually enjoy being 'needed'.

If your situation is true (which I am dubious about because of the extra violins you've placed into the picture), you'll note that even a not-for-profit institution that is socially obligated to help the homeless couldn't even tolerate him - they didn't pussyfoot about, he broke a rule and had to clear out, no excuses heard.

The only sure way he'll get council housing is if you kick him out since he'll be a priority case when he's homeless - give him written notice (keep a copy) and if he's not out by then, change the lock and put his belongings into storage in his name so he has to pay to fetch them.

Simples.

[montyzuma]

i'm betting a one off poster

but never underestimate how dim people can be when it comes to relationships

[**Pika**]

Don't pull your punches Bluey! You're on scathing form this week! (Its great!)

[montyzuma]

gotta agree with him doomat or what

[**Pika**]

Emily Pankhurst is turning in her grave!

[Brightonman]

I think it has to be a troll! Anybody knows that its either 50/50 with all the bills or charge a commercial rate! No ifs, no buts . Lazy b'stards and cuckoos are words that come to mind!

[sawdustforbrains]

its against the law for you to be gettnig tax credits if your living with your partner why has noone else mentioned this

[colin44]

I do not charge my partner any rent.
And she earns £36k per year.

I hope that helps

Colin

[GetLow]

You are a guy...thats's what men usually do. Woman usually take care of kids and around a house...in this situation her b-friens is like big kid, he is only asking form her. If he would clean up the house and buy food and make meals...no questions. My guy is paying the rent and all bills, i'm buying food and other stuff around the house

P.S. Sorry for my english.

[colin44]

[GetLow]

Colin, i said, that it's a thing that guys usually do and it's normal They consider themselves as a head of a family, so...they should act properly.
I prefer my style of life...my man is paying rent and bills, i pay for food and all stuff around house because divideing bills on a half and everything else on a half, sounds rediculous. Sometimes i spend more money, sometimes he...but we are together, willing to share things.

[daveyspeedstar]

[vantheo]

My suggestion is that you should get rid of it!! or if you can't atleast 80£ however its even less.