[Diamondgeezerkiwi]

I just had a new flatmate move in yesterday. Me & my current flatmate interviewed him & found him to be extremely polite & friendly, & he seemed like he would be considerate to live with, so we offered him the room.

He moved in yesterday & on his first night in the flat, brought a shag back to his room. He introduced him to me & my boyfriend, but did not bother to introduce him to my other flatmate & his fiance in the kitchen. Until I told them, they were in fact completely unaware that there was someone else under our roof that night. I have a partner who stays over every second weekend, but we have been in a long-term relationship & my current & previous flatmates were consulted about this in advance. I have certainly never brought shags back to a new flat immediately upon moving in - I would have spent some time getting to know my new flatmates first, & establishing what was acceptable behaviour.

I also did find it rather rude that he was walking around in a bathrobe that was so short that you could probably see his privates if he bent down to pick something up! I do believe in "live & let live", & to a great extent his personal life is his business, but I feel it is my business when he doesn't let other flatmates know that someone else is in his room. I was thinking of confronting him about this only if it happens again - but at the same time, I want to make it clear from an early stage that I consider this unacceptable. Incidentally, this behaviour upset my boyfriend greatly.

How to you guys think this should be best dealt with? Please, only SERIOUS responses - thanks.

[crabs]

So are you going to tell her what days your boyfriend is over, it has nothing to do with your boyfriend. Why introduce a shag when you might not see them again. Then again are you going to say what days your friends come over.

[Diamondgeezerkiwi]

[crabs]

Its no his fault you feel insecure, why dont you just say leave your jacket here then i know you have a guess.
He has as much as a right as you to bring back some one, (previous flatmates were consulted about) was he and how does he feel about that?
So you BF can come round even though no one elses knows? the cheek.

When you share you need to take other peoples view into account, if their single then you should well know they will bring someone back, maybe you should have let it out to someone that wasnt single.
Or maybe your jealous or your boyfriend is?

Dont you wear short clothes? dont you were mini skirts? whats the problem about that then, if he bends over why are you looking.

[Marissa25]

I do not agree with Crabs. It is not a matter of jealousy, what are you talking about?!?! This is a flatshare situation, the guy is new in the house and first thing he does is bringing some one night stand over for the night. That person could be anyone, and since they don't even know the new flatmate very well, I wouldnt feel safe AT ALL.

None has the right to dictate what other people do, but it should have been the new flatmate's concern to speak to the other people living there about the fact that he might have someone over.

It's a tricky situation, I wouldnt like to be in your position, but I do think you should talk to him and say that, since you're still getting to know each other as flatmates, you feel you should know in advance about this habit of him... I am assuming you told him already about your long term boyfriend.

I would say something along those lines.

[crabs]

That person could be anyone, and since they don't even know the new flatmate very well, I wouldnt feel safe AT ALL

Well they might no feel safe about the BFs.

[crabs]

just shows you most women are so selfish.

[Diamondgeezerkiwi]

Thank you for your words of support, Marissa. I think that this is a matter of common courtesy, not jealousy.

I'm not jealous of my new flatmate. BTW, this guy was fully aware of the situation with my boyfriend. I don't wear mini-skirts, as I am a guy - so don't say "just shows you women are so selfish". My flatmate is a gay male (not that that makes any difference in this discussion).

I don't appreciate someone standing in the front room practically showing me his meat & two veg/arse crack. He can do that in his room - the lounge is a common area & as such, I feel that some decorum is in order.

[crabs]

So now we understand, your boyfriend is gay, and you both feel insecure because a man brings a woman home, i though gays had more tolerance towards discrimination. And walking round half naked is no problem if your in male house hold, and why are you looking, you could say cover up a bit.

[Diamondgeezerkiwi]

[crabs]

and he pays the rent and can bring back anyone he like just like yourself, its a house flat share get used to it.

[weeowen]

[Marissa25]

Errr, Crabs I think you're missing a few points here. Paying the rent DOES NOT entitle you to do anything you want! It is a flatshare and as such you have to compromise with the people living with you. Again paying the rent doesn't entitle you to not care if your flatmates feel unconfortable, and I don't think Diamond's thoughts are so weird or exaggerate. If the new guy has problems about Diamond's boyfriend staying over, then he should voice such concerns, but it seems to me that he accepts it quite happily or doesn't care even.

I think if you feel unhappy about something in your flatshare you should talk about it and not keep it bottled up cos "he's paying rent". Well I am paying rent too and I have the RIGHT to feel confortable in my own house!

[Diamondgeezerkiwi]

Here here, Marissa - I couldn't have said it better myself......

[Marissa25]

hehe, no problem. Crabs is just defending the guy without supporting his argumentation, just for the principle and this makes me think he probably does the same as your flatmate and has no consideration.

Allow me this, I don't usually judge people if I don't know them, but he did the same to me saying that all women are selfish.

hehe

[Elina]

Why not just ask the guy to cover up if it bothers you?

Also, did he introduce the girl as a shag? Could it not be his girlfriend? If it is his girlfriend, surely he has a right to bring her over considering you bring your boyfriend over?

How about talking to him about the clothing issue and waiting to see if he changes birds frequently or if the girl was a long term one.

I wouldn't make an issue of the girl just yet.

[hugheskevi]

I wouldn't expect a new flat mate to be bringing some random partner back for a while, at least a week after moving in and has got to know you a bit.

I'd also say walking around in the gear he does is also inconsiderate- a dressing gown is fine for wandering around in, but something like you describe is only for running to the bathroom in.

It sounds like he isn't overly considerate, and that is a bad sign in a new flatmate. I'd definately have a chat to him about everything that makes you and the others in the flat uncomfortable as soon as possible - it just gets harder the longer you delay.

[Elina]

[weeowen]

[crabs]

[Diamondgeezerkiwi]

[Diamondgeezerkiwi]

[Diamondgeezerkiwi]

[king_tut]

No offense here, but homosexuals are well known for sleeping around and having low/base morals. If you are going to live with one this is what to expect.

[Diamondgeezerkiwi]