[jockster9]

A few of you have been scammed by this bloke so, in my boredom, I thought I'd make him run around a bit. He/she gets really excited at the prospect of making a bit of money. This goes to show how ridiculously retarded these people are. I'm going to string this along abit and see how much I can piss him off.

I posted an ad looking for a flat (I'm genuinely looking) and got a response from this dude. Straight away I knew it was a scam so I thought I'd keep him interested (I'm Mr. Chance) and e-mail him under a different name:


TOP TO BOTTOM
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Dear Sir,

I beleive you currently have a number of 1 bedroom flats in the London area.
I currently live in a small town called Ballywanka in Northern Ireland but am looking to move to London for work with my wife and young child. We are hoping to move at the end of May.

If you could let me know if:

1. You currently have any one bedroom flats on your portfolio?
2. The price bracket you are looking at?
3. Do you include bills in the contract?
4. Do you have any "special offers" on at the minute? If I was to rent one flat at full rent do you have a second I could rent at half price? I have a mistress who would also like to cum and i would like to accomodate her

Please ignore this if you do not have anyhing.

Kind Regards

Mr. Chance

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On Fri, May 2, 2008 at 10:07 PM, Linda Michael <linmike00@gmail.com> wrote:

Hello Notha
Thanks for getting back to me. My name is Linda and i presently study in Newcastle.Here are the following details about my 1bedroom apartment..

The apartment is located at Regent street London and it comprises lovely dining lounge with large widescreen digital TV and broadband internet DVD CD Radio and guidebooks movies,apartment is well equipped,furnished and with internet wireless and communications access,the equipment such as electronics,cooker,drier,anger ,refrigerator,so fans,chairs,gas cooker,internet, windows. Am sending to you with this mail the pictures of the apartment..Hope you like them?

The fitted kitchen has all appliances inc washer drier fridge freezer microwave and is self catering with complimentary tea coffee. The have freshly laundered linen towels included and an iron hair drier are provided also.

The bathroom has a bath and shower as well.The monthly rent for the apartment including the Bills and utility Cost is 500pounds and a security Deposit of 650pounds which is refundable if you do not damage any of my properties in my Flat, while your stay there.because if you do make any damages the money of the damages will be deducted from the security deposit while the rest will be refunded back to you and if you do not make any damages then the whole amount of the money will be refunded back to you.There is also garage for your car park and garden..Get back to me so that we can proceed with other necessary arrangement.Please I only looking for serious and tidy people. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Thanks
Linda

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On 5/6/08, Notha Chance <nothac@googlemail.com> wrote:
Dear Mr Linda,

Many thanks for the reply.
I am very interested in the flat you are talking about. I must say that the price is exceptional and the flat looks superb. I can assure you that I am both serious and neat (in fact I am so serious i won the "most likely to bore you rigid" certificate from my peers in my final year of school. I still have this qualification if you need to see my references etc.). I am also part homosexual so I am therefore, by design, not only very fragrant but very neat and tidy.

My wife also thinks the location is perfect and that the flat looks more than adequate. I would like to organise a visit as soon as possible. Can you give me the dates that suit you the best - I am available to fly from Ireland to London whenever is good with you (I have a company helicopter).

I look forward to hearing from you

Kind Regards


Mr Chance

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On Tue, May 6, 2008 at 11:26 AM, Linda Michael <linmike00@gmail.com> wrote:

Hello
Definitely you can view it but i am presently in Newcastle now because i study in Newcastle as i told you in my previous mail,i need to be sure that you are capable of getting the apartment before i can come to London,I have seen people who told me that they will pay upon us seeing promising me that money is not the problem or that their company is paying or they are financially buoyant to pay the rent and then i took permission from school, when we met and after seeing my apartment,they definitely fall in love with it but they don't have money to pay, i don't know how people are so unserious and take pleasure in wasting other peoples time,they will start pleading with
me and telling me all their problems as regards finances and how they cannot pay until a certain period of time which of course will make me compassionate, I hope you understand the way i feel about this issues, people have deceived me in the past imagine a girl ask me to come from Newcastle to London that she want to rent the apartment i left to meet her on getting there she told me that she want to rent the apartment but i should allow her to stay till the end of the month before she can pay me and the other is on DSS ...can you see that ,i just need to see a sign that you are capable and you have the money before i can come for the viewing with my lawyer but am very sure that you will like the apartment.i cant be stressing myself when am not sure that you are capable.The apartment is available now and you can move in at anytime.We can arrange the viewing as soon as possible but i need to see the the proof asap.Get back to me so that i can tell you what you need to do.
Waiting for your response
Regards
Linda

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On 5/6/08, Notha Chance <nothac@googlemail.com> wrote:
Hi Mr Linda,

I definately know what you mean about dis-honest people. I remember when I used to live in London - people used to always lie there, I'll give you an example. I was once desperate for a wee when I was out walking in Clapham. I managed to find a toilet on the common and ,whilst releiving myslef, a friendly gentleman came and stood next me and we got chatting. Anyway he was very friendly and nice and I took it as a compliment when he asked me if he could hug me and give me £50 for it! I thought "why not?" - he's a nice bloke and I could do with the money. Anyway, to cut a long story short, his idea of a "hug" was a lot different to mine. He then had the audacity to not give me the money and to make matters worse my spincter hurt for ages. I learnt my lesson - so whenever I go to the toilet now and a man asks for a hug - I always get the money up front - that's the last time I get tricked.

I fully understand you need to see if I can pay first. I was speaking to my wife, Bonne, and she has made a couple of suggestions:

1) I could fly to Newcastle, pick you up, go down to London, look at the flat and then drop you off home afterward. This way you won't have to worry about costs.

2) I could send you a copy of my bank details - I currently have roughly £20K in spare change floating around in there.

3) My wife and I could go somewhere legitimate (like an estate agent) and thus negate this charade.

Or if you have a better idea then please feel free to let me know. I'm very excited about this whole transaction because I am exceptionally tight and the rent seems almost too good to be true - so count me in!!

I have a "special friend" who is also looking for a flat - do you have any more? We are very trusting and will always pay our rent

King Regards

Mr Notha Chance MP

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On Tue, May 6, 2008 at 12:09 PM, Linda Michael <linmike00@gmail.com> wrote:

Dear Notha
Thanks for prompt reply
It would not be necessary for you to send me your Bank Statement.The only way for me to confirm that you are capable of paying the rent and taking care of my apartment during your stay there is for you to Send 1Month Rent and the Security Deposit to your wife name and you can use the apartment address in London as the receiver address and get back to me with the Western Union Receipt to confirm from western union if the money was truly transfered and after i confirm it,i will email you and arrange the viewing as soon as possible,and i and my lawyer will be on our way to London to finalize the rent,Its for the safety of both parties
And after the viewing and signing of the contract,Then i can go to the western union office in London with your wife to get the payment and she can pay me in cash after the viewing.
I am not asking you to send money to me but to anybody that you know.ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY ,I think you understand my position.
The charges that you make at western union will be refunded back to you if you don't like the apartment and if you like the apartment the money will be deducted from the balance you will pay me,i think you understand.But am very sure that you will like the apartment.
If you can do this today and i see the receipt today,that means you will view the apartment tomorrow even you can move in tomorrow.You will be renting the whole apartment without sharing with anyone.Hope you understand now.
But before moving ahead i need to see the western union receipt.Get back to me so that i can give to you the apartment address in London you will be needing at the western union office to make the transfer together with you wife full name.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Regards
Linda

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On 5/6/08, Notha Chance <nothac@googlemail.com> wrote:
Mr Linda,

Many thanks for the swift reply. OK - I'm a little confused. I can easily get the money transfered (today or tomorrow) but i've never heard or used this "Western Union" that you talk of. Is it a bank?

I need a couple of questions answered before I deposit the money:

1) How much is the rent?
2) How much is the Security Deposit?
3) Will you expect cash each month or would you prefer a direct debit?
4) Do you have a draft copy of the contract I can peruse?
5) Do you allow animals? (I have a small, but perfectly formed, shetland pony I need to accomodate)
6) What guarantees can you give me that this is a long term deal. I've been ripped off before and it's the last time I get boned again (for no money).
7) Can I run a business from the address. The Mrs. runs a "special members" club. Recent clients have included Max Mosley, Jamie Theakston and various members of parliament so obviously you can understand the need for discretion. She's obvously keen to keep her business going as it makes a hell of a lot of money.

Once you have answered my questions and explained how I deposit the money i shall transfer it today.

Kind Regards

Mr Notha Bloody Chance

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Linda then got all excited and popped up on the messenger:


2:23 PM Linda: Hello
How are you doing today?
2:24 PM Are you there?
2:25 PM Are you there?
2:29 PM Notha u there?


5 minutes

2:34 PM Linda: hello
u there?
2:35 PM nothac: I am but I'm in and out of meetings - I'm very busy! How can I help?
2:36 PM Linda: I'm Linda
I just read your mail now
2:38 PM nothac: If you reply to it I should be able to pick it up in about 20 mins - I've got to go and fire someone now.
2:39 PM Linda: ok
2:40 PM I will do just that asap
But where are you in Dublin so that i can help you locate a western union agent office close to you?
2:41 PM nothac: I'm in Northern Ireland - not Southern. My wife is in London (Richmond) - if that's easier.


8 minutes

2:49 PM Linda: u there?
2:52 PM nothac: Yes
Linda: where are you in ireland?
so that i can help you locate a western union outlet close to you?
2:54 PM nothac: Linda - I'm near a town called limavady - NORTHERN IRELAND. My wife is in Richmond, London today. Where should she go?
2:56 PM Linda: ok
Your wife want to make the transfer ?
2:57 PM nothac: without sounding rude linda I'm a very busy and important man. reply to my e-mail and I will take care of it from there. Thankyou!!
2:58 PM Linda: ok
Sorry for disturbing
But i was trying to be kind
Since your wife is in London
You can make the transfer with her name and address in London
Am about to send the mail now

On Tue, May 6, 2008 at 3:40 PM, Linda Michael <linmike00@gmail.com> wrote:



Dear Mr Notha Chance
Western union is a money transfer agent all over the world..Through them,You can send money to your family, friend, partner,and even bussiness associate.It is very very easy and relaible mean of sending making transfer with thousands of branches all over the world.
Below are the answer to your Question:
The monthly rent for the apartment including the Bills and utility Cost is 500pounds and a security Deposit of 650pounds which is refundable after your stay in my apartment .
You can make direct debit to my mum account in Italy.
I don't have the Draft copy of the contract with me here as my lawyer is responsible for that.
Yes i accept pet...There is no problem about that.
I can assure you that the contract is a long term contract as that will be written on the Rental Agreement Document which my lawyer will prepare for us to sign.
You can run a Bussiness am very much ok with that since you have promise to take good care of my apartment.
Since your wife is in London today,You can make the transfer with her details such as name and address in London and after the viewing she can get the payment for me.
As soon as the transfer is made,Get back to me with the scan copy of the western union receipt so that i can run a confirmation online via tracking in western union website and as soon as i do the confirmation,Then we can meet for the viewing tomorrow if you are able to make the transfer today.
Looking forward to hraing from you.
Regards
Linda


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On 5/6/08, Notha Chance <nothac@googlemail.com> wrote:
Mr Linda,

I have spoken to my wife, Bonne. She will be able to do the transfer today. She is going to send it to a friend of her's name via Western Union.

I really can't be bothered to send money to your Mother every month so i would prefer to send across 6 months worth of rent and the security deposit. If my wife likes the flat then she will give you the £3650 from the transfer (once we have seen the draft contract and the flat). You will then sign for it and give my wife the receipt.

Will your lawyer contact me soon?

Let me know if you're ok with receiving 6 months rent up front and I will get the Mrs. to do the transfer. What's the full address of your rental property?

Kind regards and high praise

Mr. Notha Chance


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Dear Mr. Notha Chance
Am ok with your opinion...Your wife can make the transfer of the 6 months worth of rent and the security deposit.
Here is the address of the apartment you will be needing for the transfer at the western union office 15 Regent St, Westminster, London, UK.
You wife can proceed with the transfer now and after the transfer,Do get back to me with the scan copy of the western union receipt..so that i can confirm online via tracking if the transfer was truly made..
Mind you,the receiver of the payment will have to get the money from the western union after the viewing.
After the viewing,we can sign the Rental Agreement Document and my lawyer will issue a receipt as evindence of payment after we've gotten the money from the western union.
Looking forward to receiving the scan copy of the western union receipt asap.
Regards
Linda



I'm going to keep this going. I'm going to let him think I've sent the Western Union transfer for £3650 and send him a scanned copy. But i'm going to say i've had to "pixalate" some of the details for security purposes. He'll hate it - he thinks he's so close!!

Let me know if anyone's interested and I'll let you know how it pans out

[viva715]

That is the most hilarious post I have read in a long time!! Please keep me updated, would love to know the ending to this one !!

[Elle13]

this is GOLD! Please keep it going!!