housemate's boyfriend staying over - should he contribute?

parttimer · Joined: 14 May 2008 Posts: 2

I'm looking for some advice as I'm in a tricky situation and want to be reasonable...perhaps you can help.

I've rented out one room in my house to my housemate / lodger for six months - we get along very well, the only problem we have is that her boyfriend stays over a lot. He lives with his parents so they never stay there. She and I have discussed it several times when I made it clear I was unhappy about it and after discussion we agreed that he would not stay more than approx 3 nights a week on a regular basis.

After this agreement, twice his visits have crept back up again over this, I raise the issue again and each time she has apologised and emphasised that she wants to stay and is happy. He's probably stayed over for at least 6 of teh last 7 nights.

She pays a fixed rent which also includes utilities and these bills are now really expensive...I am annoyed that I should be subsidising both him and her and feel they are disrespecting my wishes. The main issue though is I am losing trust in her and feel I can't believe her promises.

I don't want to find a new housemate, as in all other respects things work very well. But I am angry and annoyed that I feel I am being taken advantage of....any ideas what to do?

Penant The Tenant · Joined: 14 Mar 2008 Posts: 51

He should contribute in some form.

stapletonic · Joined: 14 Mar 2008 Posts: 8

I think he should contribute if he's there that often, but better still - not be there that often. Especially if you specifically let the room to one person.

I lived in houseshares where if people's boyfriends stay over quite regularly they don't contribute, but when one started basically living there it did lead to problems. Maybe if you say that he will have to contribute if he is there all the time, your flatmate will realise you're serious about not wanting him to be.

Good luck

Bluey · Community Moderator Joined: 21 Mar 2006 Posts: 4754

I'm surprised there's any real difference in bills - tiddly increase in water heating at most - and would expect that there to be a negligible increase overall - 3 can usually live as cheaply as 2 when it comes to utilities.

I suspect your main beef is the fact that your hospitality is being abused and you are just directing it to the money aspect.

No, he shouldn't contribute - he has no legal status in the house and she is responsible for her guest.

either the girlfriend contributes (which doesn't actually resolve the fact that she is breaking the agreed terms of her contract and may actually lead her to believe his presence is legitimised if it's paid for).

or serve her notice to leave on the grounds that she has broken the house rules on numerous occasions despite a reminder. it's your home, not a love hotel.

Lodgers have few rights - she is classed as an excluded occupier - so are easy to serve notice on and evict.

parttimer · Joined: 14 May 2008 Posts: 2

thanks for comments on this - the range of views have been helpful! Cheers

gums · Joined: 18 May 2008 Posts: 291

yes make him contribute in some way shape or form..

ashleedz · Joined: 04 Jun 2008 Posts: 3

I totally understand where you coming from.

My lodger has recently started dating someone and for the last four weeks the guy has beens staying at my house for 5-6 nights a week on the nighs he hasnt stayed some other stranger has been staying over.

My lodger is a friend but It my house and he rents a room off me. On the contract it states that he has to ask my permmission before allowing anyone to stay and i suppose i have to be reasonable in allowing his boyfriend to stay over. But i feel no more that three times a week is acceptable.
The guy he is seeing does not have his own place hence why he is staying here all the time. whilst it isnt costing me a great deal additionally its the inconvenience. the noise. fighting two people to get to the bathroom which is making me late for work.

I rented the room out to a single person not to a couple. I have not tackled this subject with him but am gettin to the point where i am getting irritated esp having to clean up the bathroom after two people now. Done get me wrong im happy for them. But even my partner doesnt stay over that much not that should be an issue for him as it is my house.

How did you foirst tackle the issue with your housemate?

Bluey · Community Moderator Joined: 21 Mar 2006 Posts: 4754

Do you think they'd change their behaviour if you had a polite word? If so, have a chat to say that you wish to stick to the agreement on guests and no more than a couple of times a week is acceptable.

To be honest, if I was in your shoes and it was me, I would simply be diplomatic and polite but serve notice for them to leave and get someone new in - I'd not be able to relax, wondering when the next time a breach would happen.

After all

a) it's in the agreement which has been ignored so why would a chat carry any more weight
b) even if it wasn't in the agreement, having a virtual extra unpaid lodger is well out of order.

My view is that you are a landlord, not a homeless hostel or a love hotel owner, and shouldn't feel guilty about making a harsh decision.

ashleedz · Joined: 04 Jun 2008 Posts: 3

Yeah your right!! However sometimes its not that easy. he has been a mate for 5 years or so. For him i suppose he is being thoughless and assuming as we mates its ok. Although at the same time we do have a business arrangement and a proper contract which even states the rule on guests.

Im goint to give it till friday and say something, as polite a possible.

I was just wondering do many people have this siilar problem or am i over reacting? Been thinking about it tonight am quite annoyed about it. But dont want to be over reacting. Iv spoken to mates who have house shared and they have all said there hae always been rules on guests.

incidently iv noticed alot of adds for roomates say no couples.

a

montyzuma · Community Moderator Joined: 25 Jul 2007 Posts: 2235

the occasional night i dont see as a prob but 3/4 nights every week is taking the micky. It;s not so much the extra bills which may /may not be marginal its the extra body taking up kitchen/bathroom/livingroom space. more money or ask them to go.

Marissa25 · Joined: 02 Jun 2008 Posts: 41

this is why I would never rent out a room from a landlord who lives there and who clearly states that the room is only for one person. I am not going to ask permission for my boyfriend to stay over, I am not a my parents' house!!

This said, I think the fault is hers and yours. Hers for thinking that the landlord/landlady wouldn't complain for a situation like this (being the bills included and everything) and your for making the bills included!!
If you are going to let out a room to someone, better not include the bills as you never know if they're going to date someone and how many days a week their date is going to stay over. Unless you let out your room to a nun.

Cov · Joined: 03 Aug 2007 Posts: 2170 Location: London

Marissa25 ... how do you wanna charge a tenant for the bills if they're not inlcuded ? By estimating ? And if yes, who's estimation would it be ?

Rooms in a house / flat don't usually have meters for electricity and the water consumption as well as gas are impossible to seperate.

That's why all rooms rent out have the bills included. The other option would be to share the bills 50 / 50 ... or .... 33 / 33 / 33 ?
You see, that becomes a difficult subject suddenly.

Yeah, living with the ladlord under one roof is a NO NO !! for me at least.
However, I have been told of fairy tales where it was possible to live in harmony .... side by side.

Incredible.

Marissa25 · Joined: 02 Jun 2008 Posts: 41

Cov · Joined: 03 Aug 2007 Posts: 2170 Location: London

Marissa25 ... look girl, when one flat/house mate is unemployed or doesn't work for any other reason and is home most of the time, this person uses more water / gas / electricity.

A flat/housemate who has friends staying over more often then others use more gas/water/electricity.
I personally have two PCs running 24/7 as servers in my room. Do you think my flat/housemates should share my electricity cost ?

I had a flat mate from China once who went on holiday for one month but he paid the rent plus his share of bills without moaning. I think he shouldn't have paid his share for the bills for this month where he was not even present.

There're many examples to point out equal sharing is not really fair.

Is that really so difficult for you to understand ???

Bluey · Community Moderator Joined: 21 Mar 2006 Posts: 4754

I agree that it takes a certain type of person who is happy to live in the same property as a landlord and it takes a particular type of person to be a good live-in landlord.

Legally, lodgers who share amenities with landlords are considered 'excluded occupiers' and have little legal protection as they operate as guests of the owner. It is the norm for lodgers, as opposed to tenants of a live-out landlord, to have their bills included in the rent.

Most tenancies automatically exclude all bills so tenants have no other option but to register directly for council tax, utilities, telecoms and divvy them up between them.

Meanwhile, a landlord of a lodger will already be the account holder for all these services and it's much easier to just factor them into the weekly rent. As their lodger isn't much more than an invited guest, it operates more like a guest house in terms of billing.

The issue on this thread, I feel, is not so much about the expense (as I do think their lodgers guests don't add much to outgoings) but the lack of courtesy and goodwill on the part of the lodgers who are ignoring some basic ground rules. In one example, the lodger has virtually sub-let their room to their partner on a full-time basis.

I reckon the landlords are just directing their frustration on the bills when it's really about the loss of privacy and the thoughtlessness they are suffering from having an extra person present in the property.

It's a courtesy, even for tenants on a self-contained property, to have some basic flat rules and this can include a limit on the number and duration of overnight visitors or a policy where permission is first sought. There are numerous posted by flat-mates complaining of excessive guests by one of their fellow tenants so this isn't just a lodger/landlord issue.

Marissa25 · Joined: 02 Jun 2008 Posts: 41

Cov · Joined: 03 Aug 2007 Posts: 2170 Location: London

Aaaahhhhhhhhh ... that's what I need right now ...

ashleedz · Joined: 04 Jun 2008 Posts: 3

indeed this is not a landlord tenant issue. the issue is too many guest and the thoghtlessness behind this.

Marissa would your house mates not mind if you had somone else living there constantly.

I agree my lodger is not living at his parents and i am not his parent. we lead separate lives. As well as this i do not expect him to live like a nun or rather a priest!! Rules are rules it sems standard for house guests to be limited to a certain number of days per week.

As regards to comments about live in landlords at least a plus side to this is that the house/flat tends to be in better condition than most other house shares where people have no respect for the property and the landlord does the chaepest possible repairs and etc.!!
anyhow rant over!!!

BigJo1977 · Joined: 15 Jul 2008 Posts: 8

Yes he should contribute.

And people lucky enough to be granted guest status in another persons house, should remember that, and do everything they can to not appear too imposing and rude. Not just kick back and take the p1zz.